Dating Advice: Tip #1

Here's some free dating advice. We've all been there. You finally get that date you've been waiting for with the hot girl who you thought would never say 'yes', so what do you do? You reserve a table at the best restaurant in town, buy the expensive wine, send her flowers and lavish her with gifts.

A good friend of mine blew over one months salary on a girl in one week, just because he was so excited that he finally got that date with the girl he'd viewed from afar for months.

You can hardly blame the guy. Can you? Surely the woman is extremely appreciative of the attention, effort and money being lavished upon her? Well, after about 3 weeks she dumped him! Shocked?

Well, step back a little and let's see what signals you are giving to the woman. You may have had two or three dates so technically you hardly know each other. She's done nothing to really earn this, and yet you shower her with expensive gifts and dates in costly restaurants. She may even get a dozen roses just because... well, just because it's Wednesday! This reeks of desperation on the part of the male. You are saying "I know my value is less than yours, so I shall send you flowers and take you to the finest restaurants to compensate for this."

I know this goes against everything you've ever been taught and brought up to believe, but you really need to alter your mind-set. Lose the beta male mentality and become the alpha male.

Eventually, whether consciously or subconsciously, your date will find this desperation tedious and she'll move on (once you've been fleeced to the tune of several thousand of course).

One of the first steps in becoming the alpha male is to realise your own value. Get the mind-set of someone with a high social status. This may not come naturally at first, but it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Once you increase your self-esteem, others will look on you differently and with more respect, which in turn will boost your self-esteem further. Check the Alpha Male System for more on this.

Using NLP as an Alpha Male

I've mentioned this before in one of my previous posts but only briefly. For those of you wanting to know more, there are a couple of books I would recommend.

Firstly, the NLP Toolbox
What I like about this, is that it concentrates specifically on the very useful techniques available in NLP that really will increase your personal power, strengthen your confidence and self-esteem. It also looks at hypnosis (which is kind of like the next step from the embedded commands I mentioned before).



Secondly, if you want a more detailed look at NLP, then this is another one which I regularly dip into.

It's a very detailed yet practical book, and I like the fact it's full of exercises that you can work through. I'll do a full review at some point, but at the price you really have nothing (well, ok, not much at least) to lose.

As an alpha male, NLP is a vital tool that you should add to your arsenal. Not only can you use it for its' intended purpose of improving yourself, but some of the techniques (such as embedding commands, eye-accessing cues, and anchoring) can be used very well on other people. Of course, please make sure your intentions are honourable when doing this...

The Four Stages of Competence - How to Become The Alpha Male

This applies to everything and not just the choice you’ve taken to become the alpha male. Once you've made the decision to make a change, any change, most people will say "that's half the battle". Well, let me tell you - it's not! Sure, you need to take that first step of telling yourself "I'm going to become the alpha male", or even simply "I want to become more confident, more attractive to the opposite sex". Just be certain you understand however, that this is only the first step.

Whenever you try something new, everyone goes through the following four steps before you reach your destination. I'll draw the analogy with learning to drive a car which will, hopefully, strike a chord with the majority of you.

Unconscious Incompetence
This is the first stage of competence (well, incompetence at this point) where you don't know how to do something and also do not recognize the deficit and how to address it. In terms of you wanting to become an alpha male, you are possibly already obliviously happy with the fact you are viewed as weak and unattractive by your peers. Of course, the fact you are even reading this proves otherwise.

Conscious Incompetence
Think back to the very first time you got into a car; your first driving lesson perhaps. You were extremely aware of the fact you didn't know what to do. You were conscious of your incompetence. This is nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, we all need to go through this as it is the most important step on our path to change.

Conscious Competence
After passing your driving test, you now have the necessary skills to operate the vehicle but at this point it still requires a great deal of concentration or consciousness.

Unconscious Competence
This is the stage we want to reach. You have mastered the skills involved in driving a car, the skills and characteristics of being an alpha-male, or whatever it is you set out to accomplish. You are highly capable and it just comes so naturally, that you are not even aware of the fact. To put this in context, you may be driving on a highway, perhaps a route you take quite often, and after a few miles of driving you try to remember the specifics of that part of your journey but you can’t. You are so capable at this, you were unconscious of the actions required to get you here. Similarly, in terms of improving your confidence and becoming the alpha male, you will eventually reach the stage where people are attracted to you without you having to even try.

We can all achieve unconscious competence but you must realize that, in most cases, this takes time and effort. The second stage - conscious incompetence - can be a very uncomfortable situation for some people. Bear with it though and you’ll come out the other side being a much stronger, and more capable, person who is more powerful at work and more attractive to the opposite sex. Your confidence will increase and also your ability to influence people and situations. You will no longer be on that path wanting to become the alpha male, you will have achieved it and, here's the best thing, it will come naturally to you in every situation.

NLP and Seducing Women

I'm going to start looking at NLP as a tool for improving your confidence and self-esteem, particularly in seducing women. I won't go into the details of NLP right now, but in terms of becoming an alpha male it can be a very powerful tool indeed and will change not only the way other people see you, but by using NLP you can seriously impact the way you see yourself too!

I'll explain more in later posts, but here's an examples of how we can embed commands...

"Have you ever seen something which you know you just have to have? Something you see and immediately you know that it has to be yours and you won't stop thinking about it until you have it? That feeling inside you get when it just penetrates you and says Look at Me, and you really want it?"

Ok, so that may sound somewhat contrived and obvious when you read it, but it's all in the delivery and having the confidence to get away with it.

Embedding commands into text and speech is a common device though, and people do pick up on the commands subconsciously. You can imagine it therefore obviously used a lot in advertising, internet marketing, landing pages, etc...

Anyway, that's just a taster for now. We'll explore more over the coming days, including how commands and phrases can also be anchored.

Learn How to get into Rapport with People

It's an obvious one, but the single most important thing you can do to improve the way people think about you is to learn to get into rapport with people. You probably even already know this one, but it serves as a useful reminder.

So, what is rapport? It's a way of describing the relationship between people (or groups of people) where there is a closeness, and they are communicating well (harmoniously). That said, it should be obvious why we want to try and get into rapport with people; so we can make more impact and have more influence on that person's thoughts.

There are various ways of "getting into rapport" with someone, the simplest and most common way is by mirroring the other person's body language and body movements.

Important Note: I said mirroring and not mimicking!

For example, let's say two people are sat opposite each other and are having a conversation. If the people are "in rapport" you would notice that their body positions generally mirror each other. For example, if one crosses their left leg over their right leg, the other person would subconsciously mirror this in their body position. This is something which happens naturally and if you go and do some people watching you can witness this type of mirroring in close friends and people who are attracted to each other. This all happens in the subconscious, and makes people feel at ease with the other person.

So, armed with this information you can work on doing this consciously. If there's someone you wish to get into rapport with, subtly mirror his/her body position and mannerisms. Refer to my note of caution earlier about ensuring you don't slip into mimicking the other person. That would come across as extremely false and your acquaintance would immediately pick up on this. No, it has to be subtle. Wait 20-30 seconds before shifting position, and don't necessarily mirror every single thing they do (if they start scratching their left knee-cap it is going to look very odd if you start doing the same! Unless you just happen to have an itch in the same position!)

I'll leave you with an exercise to try. Pop into your local bar and start chatting to a person you find attractive. Start to mirror their body language and see if you notice the difference in the way that they respond to you. Report back, and I'll set you more homework next time!

5 Alpha-Male Characteristics You Should Develop

1 - Watch Your Body Language

Stand and walk tall. Maintain eye contact with people. Studies have shown that the more eye contact a person makes during the conversation the more dominant they are perceived to be.

2 - Your Voice

Control the conversation. People who use a soft and quiet voice can sometimes come across as being submissive.

3 - Speaking too much

Okay, controlling the conversation doesn't necessarily mean having verbal diarrhea and talking the hind legs off a donkey! Don't use unnecessarily long sentences! Brevity gives the impression of being self-assured. Keep to the point.

4 - Be Relaxed

Leaders are calm, collected people. Don't be belligerent with people.

5 - Excessive Smiling (Don't do it!)

Of course, be happy, but this doesn't mean you have to grin like a loon constantly. Beta males (opposite of Alpha Males) smile to show they are not a threat to people. Alpha males only smile when there's something to smile about.

Your life will improve considerably if you learn to become the alpha male. Not just in personal relationships, but also with work.

Avoid the Beta Mindset

As well as being indecisive, nice guys are inclined to be passive-aggressive. Women are often turned off when this foible is exhibited in a man.

What’s passive-aggressive? Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. It is a defensive mechanism and, more often than not, only partly conscious.

When the woman finally leaves him for a more exciting guy, he will complain about how he “did everything for her...”

This need to do everything for a woman comes from the guy's insecurity and feelings of jealousy. You want to keep her happy and wanting for nothing, to make sure she doesn't stray. Problem is, that's exactly what she does do.

Jealousy is a weakness, your way of saying you feel completely inferior to the other guys she is talking to or looking at. That lack of confidence is not an alpha male characteristic.

I realise that this is sometimes easier said than done, but you need to control any feelings of jealousy if your relationship is to survive. Get yourself into the mind-set of knowing you are an alpha male, and that you value yourself. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, in the positive sense, that at first, to act like this is going to be tough. However, after a while of acting like an alpha male, people will start to treat you like one, which in turn makes it easier and easier to act like one, and so the cycle continues...

The Alpha Male

On my regular train journey yesterday, a tall guy with long-ish wavy blonde hair, sat himself down at a table with one other man and two girls and began to engage in conversation. After only 30 seconds they were laughing, smiling and hanging on his every word. This is the alpha male at work.

I tuned in to what I could of the conversation, to learn tales of Monaco, motor racing, meeting a Prince, driving fast cars...

Now, I have no idea whether these tales were the well-worn anecdotes of an international playboy who lives the most incredibly exciting life, or indeed if this was a direct descendant of Baron Munchausen. What I can tell you though is that they SOUNDED convincing. They were told well enough to captivate and hold the attention of his train-bound audience, but not too fanciful to ring alarm bells that this was a fiction-meister of the highest order.

This guy was an alpha male.

So, how do you become the alpha male? First, you need to understand the characteristics that make the alpha male.

At his simplest, the alpha-male is the person that other people look up to; leaders, people who are respected. Note, that in this post I use words such as he/him/himself; primarily male. However, women also have the capacity to exhibit the alpha-male characteristics; we'll explore that in the future.

Back to the man on the train; watching him I could see that he marked out his territory, not only with what he was saying, but also with how he was sitting, and his mannerisms. He looked confident and at ease with himself. I imagine he wouldn't have really cared what his audience thought of him - the alpha male doesn't ("it's their loss") - but his way of controlling the conversation and using strong eye contact put his new friends at ease and made them feel comfortable. It's worth saying at this point that you must learn how to do this without coming across as merely brash and arrogant. You'll win no friends that way.

Throughout this blog, I will explore and explain these characteristics in detail and teach you how to become the alpha male. For now, you may be interested in looking at this book here to give yourself a solid grounding in becoming an alpha male.